Tuesday 13 August 2019

Non-fiction - A Sudden Realisation


Believe it or not, this is actually a blog post, pure non-fiction. That’s not something I typically put on here but I had such a moment of self revelation today that I had to write it down somewhere. I was wandering around the supermarket, picking up a few ingredients for dinner when my thoughts strayed to something I’d said to someone recently. A realisation stopped me in my tracks, something that should have been obvious and just hadn’t occurred to me before. It may not be significant to anyone else but it is to me. It makes sense of so many things.

The trigger comment was “I was a bit of slut in my youth” but I’ll keep you in suspense about the actual though a moment or two longer whilst I backtrack.

In 1988, when I was 17, I was unceremoniously dumped by my girlfriend of the time, for the vicar’s son of all people! Naturally this broke my heart, a fact I’ve always blamed for the following 5 or 6 years. I went through what I describe as my slutty years, they weren’t really that bad but they were a lot of fun. My first reaction was to sleep with two of my ex’s best friends. I even went to a college party at one point with both of them, one on each arm, taking turns kissing them both all night.

We drifted apart and I went through a series of girlfriends, with several running in parallel on many occasions. I distinctly remember dropping one at her house then driving to collect another. I miss that stamina…

I also went through a phase of sleeping with women who already had boyfriends. Repeatedly. These weren’t one night stands but genuine relationships stretching over months or more, just not exclusive or monogamous. Again, there were typically several running in parallel and they even knew about each other for the most part.

Then I fell in Love, settled down and had 25 years of happy, married, monogamous family life. I was happy and don’t regret any of it, I have many happy memories and two incredible daughters because of it. However last year it came to an end and I have spent the last 12 months adjusting to being single again, setting up a new house and thinking about where I go from here.

At the weekend I was discussing my life with someone and told them about my younger days, including that trigger comment. It obviously sparked something in my subconscious.

As I was walking around the supermarket today, that thought drifted unbidden through my mind and it suddenly hit me that before I was married I was Polyamorous. Twenty five years ago I hadn’t heard that phrase, did it even exist then? It certainly wasn’t bandied around much to my knowledge, but then the internet barely existed then anyway! Recently I’ve watched and interacted with several people on twitter who are living and loving the poly lifestyle, and I have been wondering if it would 
suit me. Now I realise that I don’t need to wonder. I’ve always been naturally polyamorous, I just didn’t know it.

Now to enjoy the realisation.



#F4TFriday

6 comments:

  1. Thank you for linking up to this week's #F4TFriday, isn't it funny how one phrase can bring along all sorts of realisations with it and the beauty of blogging is you have the perfect platform ready to go when you fancy sharing those thoughts =D I've had moments like this myself, where in telling a story about my past I've suddenly gone 'oooohh totally see how that lead to x, y or z that I love now'. How fabulous that we are continuously learning and understanding ourselves better. Here's hoping we see you back at F4TFriday again in the future. Floss x

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  2. I too had the same thought about myself - I am mongomous but 22 year ago I was involved with 3 people - one being my partner now. I liked it and so did they - well they never complained. And yes I thought it was called "playing the field" ;-) - so glad u joined up for F4tfriday - hoping u do again, we are happy to have fiction posts too if they involve the weeks prompt ;-) May More (am signed into f4t but it is me)

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  3. A great piece of writing. There are parts of this that ring true to me like the married for many years etc. However I wasn't successful with the girls in my youth. It's taken me 4 years of being single to realise I need to do what makes me happy and that probably is part poly/part swinger. Only time will tell how successful I am but I know that I can't do vanilla and will struggle to find someone if I don't push myself outside of my comfort zone and get over my shyness.

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  4. A great post. Like you Andy, the word polyamorous is fairly new to me. Back in the 70s when I was in my 20s I'd certainly never heard it or anal sex for that matter. I was a late developer as far as the opposite sex was concerned but I remember a time in 1979 when I had three girlfriends all at once. It needed quite a bit of organisational skill to keep them from finding out. One particular day was very hectic as I recall.

    I watched a film on Netflix this week called Professor Marston and the Wonder Woman. It is a true story about a polyamorous relationship back in the 30s and 40s. Marston invented the lie detector and wrote Wonderwoman. A fascinating film and well worth watching.

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  5. I think this is similar for me too. I look back now and realise that were I thought I had a problem (I cheated in my 1st marriage) it actually just an indication of my non-monogamy. I am quite excited to maybe finally be able to explore it properly

    Mollyx

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  6. "I distinctly remember dropping one at her house then driving to collect another."

    I used to stop off at my lovers house on the way to my boyfriend. It was the ideal arrangement (for me)

    I'm not sure if I'm poly. I don't believe I'm monogamous, but think I'm not organised enough to be poly, so I'll just be me and see what happens.

    Funny places, supermarkets... they give all sorts of room for thought. N x

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